Revive

 The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;   Psalm. 19:7

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. Is. 57:15

I'm reviving this blog in an effort to share what everyday life as a cancer survivor with agoraphobia and panic disorder is really like...So here goes!

Today I have Bible study.
Last week it was cancelled because of heavy snowfall. The week before that, I had a bad panic attack just before it was time to leave, and I was scared because it lasted a long time and then just when it passed and I thought it was going to be OK to leave, another one began. I called Jeff and told him I did not want to chance having another bad attack that might paralyze me again...especially when I am alone and driving, I really cut it close last time when I barely made it into my yard before slumping over the steering wheel and having to go to the ER.
So here I am asking the Lord for more grace once again...Doris called yesterday and asked if I'd be there today...I've already missed church twice, last Sunday I wasn't feeling well, and the Sunday before we had that snow storm. I know with the Lord's help I can do this...I can get into my van and drive the 7 miles to the church, and once I get there and see my friends...It will all be worth it!

There are two older ladies, one of whom is my Bible study teacher, and the other is Doris, both of whom were at this church waaay back when I used to take my girls there when they were little; these two women are like my mothers, and they are aware of the anxiety and agoraphobia, and how hard I must fight to go to church and Bible study. They literally have to hold my hand sometimes, and they completely understand when there are times I must get up and leave to go sit in the ladies room during the 'meet and greet' part of the services. And Flo, my teacher tells me how proud she is of me when I am able to actually stay through it and greet people too. This is very encouraging.
So, I'm doing this.
I don't want to keep going into my bathroom and face the scripture that I have hanging next to the mirror every single day that says:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13
and not put those words into action!
And in the words of an old song...
"Here I go again on my own, facing all the lonely roads I've ever known ..So I've made up my mind, I ain't wastin' no more time." (by: Whitesnake 1982 'saints and sinners' album)