This is the story about the life of a woman changed forever by breast cancer.
This is my story.
From the beginning I have described this as a journey through rooms. Rooms that the Lord has gone before and prepared for me...Rooms in which I am never alone.


Why I write this blog...

To start afresh ...with a blog that shows the inside of my heart more...Who I am as a [real] person, a Christian woman, uniquely created by an Awesome God. This blog will mostly be about my life with breast cancer, anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia. Though these diseases do not define me, they are a part of my reality...& part of my life. I once said that I would not make 'My Heart's Home' all about cancer...and I found that hard not to do... since cancer became an uninvited, unwelcome guest in my life who threatened to take over unless I gave it a place and set some boundaries. Attempting to ignore its existence only gave it more power to wreak havoc as it threatened to dismantle the interior of my life while I struggled to keep it hidden in the shadows. So here I am writing this new blog.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:13
Wow...According to that scripture (which is speaking of evil things that are kept in secret) If I expose cancer by dragging its sorry butt out from the darkness where it lurks, and bring it out into the Light where we can take a good look at it...Shining the Light of Christ on it......then it can produce good things...right living and truth! ( vs.9)
8) In the past you were full of darkness, but now you are full of light in the Lord. So live like children who belong to the light. 9) This light produces every kind of goodness, right living, and truth..
14) Yes, everything is made clear by the light. This is why we say,“Wake up, you who are sleeping! Rise from death,and Christ will shine on you.”Ephesians 5: 8-14

Writing about my life gives me purpose...

Romans 8:28... And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
All things...not just the good things, the fun things, the nice things in life...If we love God and are living according to his purpose...everything will work out for our good...even cancer.
I hope this blog will reflect more of the true me, as I try to live my life in the light of Christ...I am not going to attempt to fit into any clique, I have never been able to fit into cliques anyway, and always seemed to lose a piece of myself while trying. Just like the human heart that beats within my chest, this blog is a part of me...It has inner chambers or rooms where few have entered in. This is where the truth resides...no phony facade, nothing artificial added ....Only the truth will be revealed here as I attempt to shine the light of Christ into every darkened corner in my life. So feel free to join me as we take a tour through the rooms of my life...but be forewarned: I tend to re-arrange a lot!

May you find many blessings and much love here...& always remember that we are... ~NEVER FORSAKEN~

LIFE UNEDITED (A series of posts where I just simply write down whatever comes to my mind)

 FEELING ANXIOUS

Friday March 25, 2022 

We are expecting company Sunday. Family members whom we have not seen in about five years. Although I love these women, and always feel a closeness when we speak..I cannot help but feel anxious the days leading up to this visit. I know my house is not as tidy as it used to be, I simply do not have the energy and stamina to keep it up these last couple of years. Actually, its been like this since radiation back in 2018. I never got my energy back afterwards, and the treatments do bring my hemoglobin down every three weeks. I know they say they do not care about my house, but it is a matter of integrity to me so I will work as hard as I can in the next couple days. This will wear me out, and I will be more irritable and feel sicker than usual. I also know God will bring me more grace for this time too. 

This entire week I have not been able to eat without stomach pain (bloating in upper abdomen). I am thinking this is nerves. I cannot relax until I get this house in order and that is gonna require more strength than I currently possess!

NO GUILT FEBRUARY 2022

Today I am feeling tired. I've been spending too much time on the computer very late into the night/ early morning. And then I feel too guilty to sleep in very late. Besides, I have responsibilities to take care of Oliver and the chickens.

I've just refilled the container for the chicken scratch, and carried that out to the coop. It was really heavy and it is very cold so now my chest hurts and my body is aching far beyond the normal aches. It does not help that last night I had to take medication for the on-going pain in my left hip. Its been a week since taking that, and I am feeling groggy now.

The sink is full of dishes again..Where do they all come from?! I do dishes constantly! I haven't the strength to get up out of my chair now and I have a headache starting as well. Ugh, life is kicking me in the butt today!

So instead of complaining further on here, I am going to go lay down..No guilt!

 

 WRITING INTO THE AIR August/2022

 I feel like I'm writing into the air.

That's a good thing; it'll help me be more real, uncensored, unedited. i will write how I feel as i try to gather all these random thoughts that run through my tired brain.

there's no denying the Covid pandemic has changed the entire world.

I've lost two people in my life, not necessarily from the virus, but during its duration (thus far)

First, my best friend Deb passed on May 10th 2021, and then my (first) oncologist Dr. Hurtubise, on May 27, 2021.

There have been natural disasters in our area including a massive flood involving the collapse of two dams spring (2020), and recently, two destructive tornadoes, one in our county and one in a nearby county during the summer (June 2021). One week prior heavy winds blew over several large trees in the town we live in..one across the street from us, and a few others on the main road from which we enter the neighborhood. A new utility pole was snapped in half taking out our power lines for a couple days.

 My spiritual battle continues. I am addicted to video games, recently I started playing a game called Red Dead Redemption. I began playing because of the horses and beautiful environment..then started playing nightly with Sam. It is good therapy.I do not like playing some of the more violent or dark-themed missions in the game. This hurts my soul, and I know the Lord does not approve of everything I am doing in the game. Sometimes these dark images transcend into my mind in forms of dreams or bad thoughts. I am still working through it all. I do not believe the Lord has blessed me with this game in so many ways, only to tell me to get rid of it now. I am needing to learn balance here.

Now I am making a lot of my own You Tube videos, and this is helping me not only to have a creative outlet, but a way to connect with other people whom I would never have had a chance to otherwise.

As far as the metastatic breast cancer is concerned. we are relieved that it is still in remission according to my latest scans from early June.as well as a brain MRI recently. The bad news , however, is that I have peripheral neuropathy   It's (likely) in all four limbs

.Apparently, I have no reflexes in my limbs. Walking, and most everything else is a challenge. i am fatigued, and in pain. There is no good relief from medication, so i was able to wean myself off of the medication, and since then (within a couple months) I have actually had some improvement!

Speaking of this condition, I will make this post a shorter one as I cannot type for too long these days. I hope I can continue with this blog..even if it is only to record and inform.

Blessings & Love~ Lisa
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