This is the story about the life of a woman changed forever by breast cancer.
This is my story.
From the beginning I have described this as a journey through rooms. Rooms that the Lord has gone before and prepared for me...Rooms in which I am never alone.


Why I write this blog...

To start afresh ...with a blog that shows the inside of my heart more...Who I am as a [real] person, a Christian woman, uniquely created by an Awesome God. This blog will mostly be about my life with breast cancer, anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia. Though these diseases do not define me, they are a part of my reality...& part of my life. I once said that I would not make 'My Heart's Home' all about cancer...and I found that hard not to do... since cancer became an uninvited, unwelcome guest in my life who threatened to take over unless I gave it a place and set some boundaries. Attempting to ignore its existence only gave it more power to wreak havoc as it threatened to dismantle the interior of my life while I struggled to keep it hidden in the shadows. So here I am writing this new blog.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:13
Wow...According to that scripture (which is speaking of evil things that are kept in secret) If I expose cancer by dragging its sorry butt out from the darkness where it lurks, and bring it out into the Light where we can take a good look at it...Shining the Light of Christ on it......then it can produce good things...right living and truth! ( vs.9)
8) In the past you were full of darkness, but now you are full of light in the Lord. So live like children who belong to the light. 9) This light produces every kind of goodness, right living, and truth..
14) Yes, everything is made clear by the light. This is why we say,“Wake up, you who are sleeping! Rise from death,and Christ will shine on you.”Ephesians 5: 8-14

Writing about my life gives me purpose...

Romans 8:28... And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
All things...not just the good things, the fun things, the nice things in life...If we love God and are living according to his purpose...everything will work out for our good...even cancer.
I hope this blog will reflect more of the true me, as I try to live my life in the light of Christ...I am not going to attempt to fit into any clique, I have never been able to fit into cliques anyway, and always seemed to lose a piece of myself while trying. Just like the human heart that beats within my chest, this blog is a part of me...It has inner chambers or rooms where few have entered in. This is where the truth resides...no phony facade, nothing artificial added ....Only the truth will be revealed here as I attempt to shine the light of Christ into every darkened corner in my life. So feel free to join me as we take a tour through the rooms of my life...but be forewarned: I tend to re-arrange a lot!

May you find many blessings and much love here...& always remember that we are... ~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Sunday, September 9, 2018

The Precipice

THE PRECIPICE



I'm standing on the edge of a great precipice. I am affixed there by a strong yet unseen force.
I cannot move left nor right..oddly, I cannot take a step back from the edge either.
I lean slightly forward into the force.. This requires a faith beyond myself.
Still unmoved,  I'm held firmly in this narrow place.
There is no turning back.
I can see my feet, one partially extended beyond the cracked and crumbling rock, the slightest pressure sending shards of rock over and down..I can hear it hit and break as it sails downward into the steep side-wall until it is too broken and small to make any further sound..or it's just simply too far away to hear now.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I sense an ominous presence rushing up behind me. It is at a distance, yet steadily closing in. I do not know how far away it is, only that it is coming fast, bringing with it a fierce anger forged from an ancient hatred hell-bent on my destruction.
I can hear the  faint voices of my loved ones somewhere off to the side and behind me. I chance turning my head towards the familiar voices as they warn me to not look down..They are crying out to me about the unfairness of my present circumstance, but telling me  to try not to think about it too much.
Confused, I attempt to place a smile on my frozen face and reassure them that I will not fall, not yet anyway..even though I  seem to  be able to  actually feel the  vibration of heavy foot-falls approaching  from behind me now!
I do look down, and I imagine the force crashng into my back, knocking the wind from my lungs, and I  can see myself falling like the rocks at my feet as the force against my chest eases ever so slightly and gravity opens up to swallow me.
For now I am at the mercy of these two forces, but only one is truly merciful..the other has no power over the one that holds me here..so therefore, I shall remain until the time that is set for me to go.
This is what it feels like to know that you are dying from terminal cancer.
By:  Lisa Stager  2018



Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Another "Room"


Update..
I have finished 33 rounds of radiation!..


{Another "room" that I have passed through on my journey through cancer.}

 My certificate of completion signed by all the sweet and caring staff at the radiation oncology department in Midland hospital.

A plate that held the homemade cookies from a 'new' friend that I met there..She surprised me on my last day of radiation..We enjoyed our (almost) daily chats while waiting in the locker room for our appointments . Thank you, Jane!




 


❤️


Tuesday, February 13, 2018



GOOD NEWS!

Yesterday I got the results from the most recent genetic test and it says that I am NEGATIVE for ALL genetic mutations (Including TP53)!
This means that my prognosis is much better..It may mean the difference between surviving from a few months to a few years now!


Saturday, February 10, 2018

The Path To Joy



You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 
Psalm 16:11

Friday, February 9, 2018

Living or Dying? Revisiting this topic..

For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's.
Romans 14:8

It's been four months since the cancer returned. I've had more time now to adjust to the idea..and to a new normal.
So, I thought I would revisit this idea of being in a state of both living and dying.
I have come to realize that I have a choice in the matter..living or dying. No, I cannot control when death may come..that is God's territory, only he knows this for each of us.
The choice I have is which perspective I will have..Let me explain..
I can say that "I am dying from cancer." and therefore I take on the perspective of a dying person..The lens that I have chosen to look through is filtered according to the fact that I will soon die..and that changes my outlook on pretty much everything in life. 
On the other hand, if I look at things from the perspective of having a disease that I am living with that will someday kill me..but likely not today or tomorrow or even next month..Well then, I will plan for and arrange my thought process accordingly..maybe in short three month increments instead of years. An example of this is planning ahead for Jeff's retirement. I don't dare try to project myself that far into the future (years away)..I am not dreaming about or planning for where we will live, what we will do, etc..Instead I plan my life around the next few months and plan ways in which we can spend some quality time together and with our family this summer. 
Another thing that I have been learning to do differently, is how I spend my time. Time investment is very important to a person in my situation. Something that I cannot afford any longer is to make a commitment to something that does not give me any short-term satisfaction or benefit right away. After all, I may not be around to reap the benefit of something I have put time and effort into. Instead I am enjoying the things that are here now, the little everyday things that maybe I have taken for granted before.
Well, these are my thoughts on this subject for now. My perspective may change again, but that is how life works. Change is inevitable..except when it comes to our Lord..He is the one constant, the only steady and dependable part of our life, and our death..and ultimately our resurrection into eternal life. 

Friday, December 29, 2017

Not good news



I got some pretty awful news at my Oncology appointment yesterday.
I have a genetic mutation in the TP53 gene..which is a very important gene (nick-named the "Guardian" of the genome)..This is where the instructions are kept like a blueprint to create the proteins needed to suppress tumor growth,
I still need a blood test to determine which kind it is as there is a whole body type..meaning I would develop all kinds of cancer (which is unlikely I have since I've never had any other cancers in all my years)..and then there's the type specific kind..in my case I will continually develop breast cancer tumors..resistant to many of the chemotherapies..especially Adriamycin (So I went through that for nothing!)
The worst news is that it is usually passed down to generations..so my three daughters will all be tested for this.
Please pray that they do not have this mutation! I've been in tears since yesterday..especially while having to tell my children this over the phone!
There is currently no treatment for this mutation and the prognosis is very bad. (less than a year survival)
But...
Only God is in control of that!
He has written out each of my days..even while I was still in my mother's womb..
And if he decides to take me home sooner than I thought..It is for reasons only he knows..and he knows best!