What a Week!

My PET scan last Tuesday showed a cancer in the right Axillry node of my armpit about 3 cm..and a suspect (hopefully just arthitis) on my T1-T2 vertebrae.
So, almost my entire family and I showed up at Dr, H's office expecting only to get scan results byt I ended up having my first chemo that day also! And only one day after the port placement too!
So, the plan is to treat with Adriamycin and Cytoxin first, then re-scan to see if it is effective, then on to Herceptin/Perjeta (indefinately) and rads to the node.
Dr. H seems very confident that this will put the beast to rest,maybe for years!

I have three more chemo treatments to do before we settle into the maintenance regime.

So, me and daughter Sam went and got me a haircut and a new wig to match the haircut the next day.

The girls had some fun together with their Dad and I over the weekend..although I crashed Saturday after doing some shopping and overdid a bit.

Today (4 days post chemo) I am feeling good. It's the first day without the steroids. I expected to be more tired or sore, but I am doing alright..pacing myself though since I know if I don't I will be done for the day real quick!
My port area is very bruised and ugly looking, but it does not hurt anymore and I can even sleep on that side now!
We are praying that this chemo takes away the tumor, and that the area on my spine is only arthritis!
Dr. H said he has seen this same treatment work for the same diagnosis before, and believes the tumor will be gone.

With God all things are possible..and with prayer we ask~In Jesus~Amen!

Imagine Dragons - Radioactive

The scan wasn't so bad. I had a nice long nap..I came hoem and had some coffee..I'm slightly radioactive for a few hours now.

Bacon and Donuts

When I found out that the cancer came back I went through some weird emotions. It hit me most on the second night...I cried myself to sleep. Jeff and I both. So the next day I decided that I might as well eat whatever I wanted, so I ate way too much and drank way too much (for me that is two glasses of wine)..I suffered the consequences. Once I recovered the next morning I told Jeff we were going to the cider mill for our annual donut.
Once there while we stood in line Jeff asked how many donuts did I want? I replied, "just one." He asked: "That's all?"..I looked at him and said.."No way, this year I'm having two!.. what's the worst that can happen..I die from a heart attack?"
So I declared that my new diet was going to be the two things that I have limited myself on since I was 25 and found out I had high cholesterol: bacon and donuts!
So, Now I have to have my first ever PET scan tomorrow and I was given an instruction sheet for how to prep for the scan and to my dismay I am supposed to eat a high protein, low carb diet prior to the test..The sample menu given for meals includes...
BACON for every meal!
But no donuts.
Life really is funny..even with cancer.

I don't want to be brave anymore!

This is a sketch my best friend drew a few years ago

Two days ago I felt ready for this fight..Yesterday I had my brain scanned..they could not easily access my vein, as usual. I felt despair start tugging at me. I wanted to cry at the thought of my poor veins being poked and prodded on a regular basis now..again,
My back still aches from having to lay still in that MRI yesterday..I don't know how I'm going to manage it for three times as long on Tuesday..and how many times will they have to poke and dig around inside my arm this time? Then the very next day..do it again in order to place the port into my artery. That hurts, by the way..getting the port. I know now. I did not know that it would hurt so bad the first time, but I know now.
So now I am feeling mad.
I don't want to lose my hair again.
It's so hard to feel like a normal person without hair..I hate this!
I want to yell at someone. But it's nobody's fault.
I am mad at God and he knows it because I told him so. Even if I didn't say something, God knows what is in our heart and on our mind..so there's no use pretending that I am not mad at him.
Why so much suffering in this world, God?
Not just me..My family..They are hurting, and it is not fair!
All the innocent little kids with cancer, and the young moms who aren't going to see their kids grow up because of this disease.
I will never understand it..not this side of heaven anyway.

It's all happening so fast!

This photo reminds me of a quiet place that I love.

This morning I had my first echocardiogram since 2014..My heart is good and strong..ready to fight!
I got my blood work done, which is always tricky with me since I have terrible veins. It doesn't help that they can only use the left arm because of the lymph/breast surgery in 2013.

Tomorrow is a brain MRI. Her 2+ cancer is more likely to come back in the brain, so this is a necessity. I had two scans before back in 2015 because I was having balance issues. They found (benign) lesions back then.
I will be able to rest up for a couple days until I go Tuesday for a PET scan, and then Wednsday I will have my port placed so that I can recieve chemotherapy. I remember when I got that done before, it hurt that night and I did not sleep.
Thursday we will see Dr. H. to get the scan results and probably devise a plan of action.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 
 1Peter 5:7

I'm feeling shattered!

Thank you, my dear friend!

Am I living or dying?

Both.

It's only been five days since we've known that I have stage 4 Metastic breast cancer now.

I cannot even describe the emotional roller coaster my family and I have been on!

Where to start..I've decided I will not start back at the time of the first cancer since that is already posted about on this blog from what now seems like a hundred years ago!

Instead I will begin this new chapter..or (keeping with the theme of this blog)..This new room in this world of cancer-life with the pathology report:

It's kinda small and was a pic taken with my phone..Basicly what it says is that I have metastatic breast cancer that is hormone receptor positive and Her 2 receptor positive..It is also a grade 3 cancer which is the worst in terms of aggression.
The good news: It is considered triple positive, which means there are some targeted therapies available for treatment.
Bad news: It can NOT ever be cured. I will be in some form of treatment for the rest of my life now..at least for as long as my body can take it, and/or the treatment(s) are effective.
This could be years. That is the hope.

Just a short post

Well, it's been a couple days now since I was told that I now have metastic breast cancer.
Just when I started thinking of myself as a breast cancer survivor..and I started bragging about only having one prescription to take each day since I weaned myself off of the anti-depressant, Paxil which really made me stuck in neutral as far as emotions were concerned..Oh and now I am wondering about possibly reconsidering not using some form of anti-depressant.
This first post about this new diagnosis will be a short one..I am spending this weekend lovin on my man and getting ready for a visit from our oldest tomorrow.