I am so sad I don't even want to write this post, but I promised myself I would write out everything that happens on here, good and bad both.
Since my diagnosis in 2013 I followed a few women online who openly shared their cancer journeys..especially the ones who were on YouTube. One of them, a young woman only 24 years old at that time (Nalie) was one of my favorites. First of all her diagnosis was almost identical to mine. You see, cancer is quite diversified..there are hardly ever no two cases completely alike. There are so many possible variables. So she caught my attention first for that reason, and then her youth when diagnosed was another reason I started watching her. Then, in 2017 I learned she had a recurrence in her lungs and was diagnosed stage four just months before I was also diagnosed stage four. Both of our cases were still Her2 ++ (rare)..but the difference was her recurrence happened in her lungs, whereas mine was in the lymph nodes and on the scapula. (but not attached to the bone yet). The other similarity at that time, was we had both been declared "cured" and we both had our port-catheters removed around the same time! (Only to have to have a new one inserted once again because of the new diagnosis.
So, Nalie went on to host a TV show, travel the world, write a book and continue to be a bright light helping women both young and old navigate this difficult path of breast cancer. I bought her online book, commented on her FB page (which for me is huge because I don't "do" Facebook!) She had been far too sick lately to answer most of her comments, only having the energy for those closest friends and family..She also continued to post in her daily diary which was on her page each time. When I learned that the cancer had spread to her brain, my heart fell, because I knew that is normally the last place the METS will go before the cancer kills us.
The doctors tried as hard as they could, and Nalie fought like a soldier through countless radiation, chemo and gamma-knife surgeries..but as I was playing my online game with my dear daughter last night, she told me the devastating news that on Tuesday, March 22, 2022 Nalie passed away at only 33 years old. She fought this disease for as long as I have so far.
She was the second young (very young) woman that I have known to have passed away from this disease this month.The other was the lovely Night Bird (Jane Marczewski) who gained the adoration of many when she competed on America's Got Talent..she even won the heart of Simon Cowel in 2021. who gave her 'The Golden Buzzer" during her performance that night.
So, my heart is twice broken in just one month. These were young women. I am not so young, and I can't help asking "Why, God? Why them? why is this disease killing so many still? Why is it one of the most misunderstood diseases even today? Why did you allow me to live and not others, younger people with their entire lives ahead of them?
This disease is not at all about pretty pink ribbons and fun pink wigs and clothing..It is not Breast cancer awareness..It is a killer! Both Nalie and Jane suffered from Metastatic Breast Cancer..and as of this writing, there is NO CURE! It is not a pretty pink flower adorning a t-shirt or coffee cup to remind you to check your breasts..It is a monster, a bully that steals body parts and eats organs and leaves it's victims weak and numb and in pain (all at the same time)..It steals away fertility and ability! And then it steals brain tissue and finally kills its host!
I'm mad.
I'm sad.
I have nothing more to say...Maybe later
UPDATE*
God is always faithful and he is constantly working in and through his children..
Today (Friday, March 25) I found this (or it found me):
GOD IS ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR / a poem by Nightbird
No comments:
Post a Comment