This is the story about the life of a woman changed forever by breast cancer.
This is my story.
From the beginning I have described this as a journey through rooms. Rooms that the Lord has gone before and prepared for me...Rooms in which I am never alone.


Why I write this blog...

To start afresh ...with a blog that shows the inside of my heart more...Who I am as a [real] person, a Christian woman, uniquely created by an Awesome God. This blog will mostly be about my life with breast cancer, anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia. Though these diseases do not define me, they are a part of my reality...& part of my life. I once said that I would not make 'My Heart's Home' all about cancer...and I found that hard not to do... since cancer became an uninvited, unwelcome guest in my life who threatened to take over unless I gave it a place and set some boundaries. Attempting to ignore its existence only gave it more power to wreak havoc as it threatened to dismantle the interior of my life while I struggled to keep it hidden in the shadows. So here I am writing this new blog.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:13
Wow...According to that scripture (which is speaking of evil things that are kept in secret) If I expose cancer by dragging its sorry butt out from the darkness where it lurks, and bring it out into the Light where we can take a good look at it...Shining the Light of Christ on it......then it can produce good things...right living and truth! ( vs.9)
8) In the past you were full of darkness, but now you are full of light in the Lord. So live like children who belong to the light. 9) This light produces every kind of goodness, right living, and truth..
14) Yes, everything is made clear by the light. This is why we say,“Wake up, you who are sleeping! Rise from death,and Christ will shine on you.”Ephesians 5: 8-14

Writing about my life gives me purpose...

Romans 8:28... And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
All things...not just the good things, the fun things, the nice things in life...If we love God and are living according to his purpose...everything will work out for our good...even cancer.
I hope this blog will reflect more of the true me, as I try to live my life in the light of Christ...I am not going to attempt to fit into any clique, I have never been able to fit into cliques anyway, and always seemed to lose a piece of myself while trying. Just like the human heart that beats within my chest, this blog is a part of me...It has inner chambers or rooms where few have entered in. This is where the truth resides...no phony facade, nothing artificial added ....Only the truth will be revealed here as I attempt to shine the light of Christ into every darkened corner in my life. So feel free to join me as we take a tour through the rooms of my life...but be forewarned: I tend to re-arrange a lot!

May you find many blessings and much love here...& always remember that we are... ~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Sunday, October 22, 2017

I don't want to be brave anymore!

This is a sketch my best friend drew a few years ago


Two days ago I felt ready for this fight..Yesterday I had my brain scanned..they could not easily access my vein, as usual. I felt despair start tugging at me. I wanted to cry at the thought of my poor veins being poked and prodded on a regular basis now..again,
My back still aches from having to lay still in that MRI yesterday..I don't know how I'm going to manage it for three times as long on Tuesday..and how many times will they have to poke and dig around inside my arm this time? Then the very next day..do it again in order to place the port into my artery. That hurts, by the way..getting the port. I know now. I did not know that it would hurt so bad the first time, but I know now.
So now I am feeling mad.
I don't want to lose my hair again.
It's so hard to feel like a normal person without hair..I hate this!
I want to yell at someone. But it's nobody's fault.
I am mad at God and he knows it because I told him so. Even if I didn't say something, God knows what is in our heart and on our mind..so there's no use pretending that I am not mad at him.
Why so much suffering in this world, God?
Not just me..My family..They are hurting, and it is not fair!
All the innocent little kids with cancer, and the young moms who aren't going to see their kids grow up because of this disease.
I will never understand it..not this side of heaven anyway.
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