This is the story about the life of a woman changed forever by breast cancer.
This is my story.
From the beginning I have described this as a journey through rooms. Rooms that the Lord has gone before and prepared for me...Rooms in which I am never alone.


Why I write this blog...

To start afresh ...with a blog that shows the inside of my heart more...Who I am as a [real] person, a Christian woman, uniquely created by an Awesome God. This blog will mostly be about my life with breast cancer, anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia. Though these diseases do not define me, they are a part of my reality...& part of my life. I once said that I would not make 'My Heart's Home' all about cancer...and I found that hard not to do... since cancer became an uninvited, unwelcome guest in my life who threatened to take over unless I gave it a place and set some boundaries. Attempting to ignore its existence only gave it more power to wreak havoc as it threatened to dismantle the interior of my life while I struggled to keep it hidden in the shadows. So here I am writing this new blog.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:13
Wow...According to that scripture (which is speaking of evil things that are kept in secret) If I expose cancer by dragging its sorry butt out from the darkness where it lurks, and bring it out into the Light where we can take a good look at it...Shining the Light of Christ on it......then it can produce good things...right living and truth! ( vs.9)
8) In the past you were full of darkness, but now you are full of light in the Lord. So live like children who belong to the light. 9) This light produces every kind of goodness, right living, and truth..
14) Yes, everything is made clear by the light. This is why we say,“Wake up, you who are sleeping! Rise from death,and Christ will shine on you.”Ephesians 5: 8-14

Writing about my life gives me purpose...

Romans 8:28... And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
All things...not just the good things, the fun things, the nice things in life...If we love God and are living according to his purpose...everything will work out for our good...even cancer.
I hope this blog will reflect more of the true me, as I try to live my life in the light of Christ...I am not going to attempt to fit into any clique, I have never been able to fit into cliques anyway, and always seemed to lose a piece of myself while trying. Just like the human heart that beats within my chest, this blog is a part of me...It has inner chambers or rooms where few have entered in. This is where the truth resides...no phony facade, nothing artificial added ....Only the truth will be revealed here as I attempt to shine the light of Christ into every darkened corner in my life. So feel free to join me as we take a tour through the rooms of my life...but be forewarned: I tend to re-arrange a lot!

May you find many blessings and much love here...& always remember that we are... ~NEVER FORSAKEN~

Friday, February 9, 2018

Living or Dying? Revisiting this topic..

For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's.
Romans 14:8

 It's been four months since the cancer returned. I've had more time now to adjust to the idea..and to a new normal.
So, I thought I would revisit this idea of being in a state of both living and dying.
I have come to realize that I have a choice in the matter..living or dying. No, I cannot control when death may come..that is God's territory, only he knows this for each of us.
The choice I have is which perspective I will have..Let me explain..
I can say that "I am dying from cancer." and therefore I take on the perspective of a dying person..The lens that I have chosen to look through is filtered according to the fact that I will soon die..and that changes my outlook on pretty much everything in life. 
On the other hand, if I look at things from the perspective of having a disease that I am living with that will someday kill me..but likely not today or tomorrow or even next month..Well then, I will plan for and arrange my thought process accordingly..maybe in short three month increments instead of years. An example of this is planning ahead for Jeff's retirement. I don't dare try to project myself that far into the future (years away)..I am not dreaming about or planning for where we will live, what we will do, etc..Instead I plan my life around the next few months and plan ways in which we can spend some quality time together and with our family this summer. 
Another thing that I have been learning to do differently, is how I spend my time. Time investment is very important to a person in my situation. Something that I cannot afford any longer is to make a commitment to something that does not give me any short-term satisfaction or benefit right away. After all, I may not be around to reap the benefit of something I have put time and effort into. Instead I am enjoying the things that are here now, the little everyday things that maybe I have taken for granted before.
Well, these are my thoughts on this subject for now. My perspective may change again, but that is how life works. Change is inevitable..except when it comes to our Lord..He is the one constant, the only steady and dependable part of our life, and our death..and ultimately our resurrection into eternal life. 

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